State of Paradise
A recap of January, a book set in Florida and a dream writing life
January is my birth month. I try to love it, but aside from my birthday week, I think I can say this has been the worst January of my life.
Though there have been some highlights—
I rediscovered the power of writing at my desk. Got back into Yoga with Adriene (movement medicine calming practice was crucial in the post-evacuation, high anxiety days... also recommend reunite with your body). I have now officially watched all four versions of A Star is Born, and I would rank them in order of when they came out, but backwards….
Bradley Cooper’s A Star is Born (i love it so much and it is a crime he and the film did not win oscars)
Barbra Streisand’s A Star is Born (which bradley borrowed heavily from)
Judy Garland’s A Star is Born (bloated! also it’s missing a reel of film, which i learned is actually being held hostage by the man who did the film restoration bc WB didn’t want to give him credit… and in place of that reel, they slotted in the storyboard images of the scene, it’s so wild)
OG A Star is Born (kinda boring, frankly)
On February 1st, I took a walk in my neighborhood for the first time since the fires. Went to a yoga class. Met my friend to see a movie about male desire and female rage. Afterwards I got produce from the Farmer’s Market at the Grove and got a burrito to go. Ate it while watching School Spirits on Netflix. Then went to a friend’s to watch the new Reese Witherspoon/Will Ferrell comedy on Amazon Prime and laughed a lot.
Also, I’m rewatching Younger and have taken to shrieking whenever Charles and Liza interact, and I’m going to Disneyland on Friday so things are looking UP!
One thing about me is that I have a lot of purses. Like, there’s a crowded shelf in my coat closet full of them. Lately I’ve been carrying a silver, slouchy leather Coach bag. It’s not huge, but it’s big enough that it fits anything I could want (including a paperback). I was thinking about switching it out for a smaller bag that would take up less room on my seat at the movies, but this one looked good with my outfit.
When I went to the bathroom after the movie, a girl came up to me while I was washing my hands and asked if I had a pad. Because I had my well-sized slouchy bag instead of the small crossbody I was considering swapping it out for, I did.
Isn’t that kind of beautiful? Even in little ways, the universe works mysteriously.
Some things I bought this month that I am loving:
cordless dyson (this was a birthday present to myself – and on sale! i love vacuuming, it’s great now!)
plaid chenille blanket (it’s lucky brand and it matches my couch)
innisfree green tea caffeine bright-eye serum (this has a rollerball application and it feels so lovely!)
innisfree cica toner with bija seed oil (it’s milky and soothing!)
kosas “weightless” satin lipstick (i already had one in “beach house,” a pretty, light, summery pink, so i got a darker shade for the winter, “turned on,” which is like a warm, reddish brown and has become my new work lipstick)
What I’m Reading
Last month I read five books—
Of those, I think Ne’er Duke Well was my favorite! It was such a fun, breath of fresh air. I read it wrapped in a blanket on the couch when everything was on fire. The Regency time period was cozy, the chemistry was charming, the hijinx were entertaining. It checked many boxes and gave me the will to carry on…
I set a goal to read less new releases this year, but I just got a ton of book recs from Becca Freeman's newsletter round up of books coming out in 2025, and oh man, there is much to be excited about!
State of Paradise by Laura van den Berg - I’m halfway through this book set in Florida about a ghostwriter struggling to find her own narrative voice, while processing her dark past and wading through a present full of climate disasters and unsettling tech influence (a little too close to home maybe??? but i am loving it).
This hit—
So far this year has felt like living under a giant blanket, out of view of the wider world, but underneath that blanket exists a whole universe of memory and association and experience. I am never alone. Under the blanket I have, to my absolute horror, all my former selves for company.
The narrator talks a lot about memory and knocked me on my ass by addressing something I kind of think about regularly when I haunt myself with not entirely pleasant memories—
Sometimes I wonder what we are supposed to do with our memories. Sometimes I wonder what our memories are for. A latch slips and the past floods in, knocking us flat. We leave places and we don’t leave places. Sometimes I imagine different versions of myself in all the different places I have ever lived, inching through time in parallel.
Some upcoming new releases on my radar:
Bring the House Down by Charlotte Runcie - A theater critic has a one night stand with the woman who’s show at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival he just wrote a scathing one-star review of… This kind of sounds like One-Star Romance meets Good Material. Here for it! (tho it doesn’t come out until july, rude)
I Want You More by Swan Huntley - A ghostwriter falls for her celebrity chef client in what is possibly a Single White Female situation? Honestly, it doesn’t matter. I love Huntley’s writing. If you haven’t read The Goddesses… please do so now!
A Girl Like Us by Anna Sophia McLoughlin - A reality tv star marries into a media dynasty and becomes the prime suspect in the murder investigation of her husband’s cousin, who named her as next in line to inherit the family fortune. Succession vibes always welcome.
What I’m Writing
The last time I wrote a query letter, I got help from “The Shit No One Tells You About Writing” podcast. I submitted my query and the first 5 pages of Novel 1, and they critiqued it on an episode. I learned that I wasn’t framing the query letter correctly and also that I wasn’t starting the story in the right place.
This time, I’m confident in my pages, but am still unsure of the query letter. It’s such a specific skill and it’s hard to nail… so I did something very un-Capricorn and asked for help from my Novel 2 readers. After asking them to read 200 pages of my book, I decided it wasn’t a big deal to ask them to read another paragraph (and the two page synopsis).
In the query, you kind of have to do a dance between sharing enough to make an agent want to read the pages and not bogging it down with too many details.
I Facetimed with one of my readers last night (hi, alex) and he gave me a little pep talk when I confessed that I’ve made edits based on their feedback but am still futzing around, not getting the materials together to send out.
He reminded me that I’ve done this before — the process is less intimidating because I know what to expect — and that my work this time around is stronger. I just need to send it out and see what happens…
Last week, I started my morning editing my query letter. I sent it off to my readers for edits, then I read a friend's essay and caught up on a few newsletters. I felt so refreshed and productive afterwards that I found myself wishing I had time to always start my mornings that way.
Here’s what I would love my life to look like in the near future…
publish novel 2 with a contract that includes another book
do an LA bookstore book tour
write and publish novel 3
go on a real book tour
have enough money from writing that i don't need a day job
finally spend all my time reading and writing
I would also love to revisit Novel 1 for publication or maybe re-work it into a TV series. And high key would love to like teach a creative writing workshop, or a seminar on food in Elin Hilderbrand’s novels. IDK! I want a lot of things…
To quote the title of Lauren Graham’s delightful novel — someday, someday, maybe!
That’s all from me — stay tuned.